Luis and I started dating Summer of 2004 and it has been an incredible and life changing experience. We were that typical on-and-off-again couple that people didn’t think would last… and here we are! 9 years later, we’re wanting to share a little of our knowledge with the world. It started when our friends would tell us stories or ask us questions because they wanted both of our reactions and you’ll find that we’re uniquely different! We started this post on Instagram and asked for questions to start. We’re by no means perfect.. but we think we have something to offer the not-so-average guy/girl. If you love this post, comment. If you don’t, then that’s okay, too! And if you want a question answered… leave it in the comments section and we’ll be sure to feature it in our next segment. Thanks for listening! – M+L
When you get in an argument is it better to talk about it right away or wait until you cool off?
L: That’s a good one! It all depends on each partner.. With Melissa I need to give her time to cool down – which I hate, but that’s what I have to do. Me on the other side, we can talk about it right away, so I think it depends on the person.
M: I’m clearly a person who likes to have valid points for everything. I also have a low brain-to-mouth filter, so for me it’s better to force myself away from the situation to collect my thoughts. I usually go in the shower or paint my nails and say all the things I WANT to say in my head.. Then retract and think of how he would feel if I said any of those things and what the resolution would be.
The transition from dating to officially going together… is it normal to still be a little uncomfortable even though you do really like the person?
L: It depends what you mean by uncomfortable. If you mean that you’re uncomfortable to be around that person, then it’s possible that you don’t like him/her that much. Now, if you mean you’re uncomfortable to fart or be yourself then that could be normal if you’re typically shy. This is based on the scenarios I’m making up in my mind. Keep in mind new relationships take time for each person to adjust to each other. Don’t feel uncomfortable to be yourself though. If that person likes you enough; they’ll be able to handle who you really are.
M: All right, let’s get one thing straight: farting in front of someone does not mean you’re completely comfortable with the person. I have never intentionally farted in front of Luis and I’m as comfortable as it gets! There are some things a lady just won’t do. 🙂 Now, to answer you question – it’s totally okay to feel that way. You’re DATING this person. Part of the process is to get to know them.. and letting it all hang out on the 1st couple of dates might not be ideal. Usually you can tell where you’re at in the relationship with that you feel like you can say/do. Also, Luis is right.. Don’t hold back being the person you are because you’re afraid of what they might think. They started dating you for a reason. Everything in moderation, I say!
When mad/upset/hurt with your significant other, who do you turn to?
L: For me, I don’t really talk to anyone about problems when I’m mad. Sometimes you do vent to your best friend, but I think this might be something that women do more often than men. We vent to our friends just to vent and women try to vent to their friends to find solutions and to get advice.
M: This is a problematic area in general. We all have “that” girl or guy friend who shout “break-up” before you can even say a word. You should vent to someone who can completely view both sides of the story. Don’t go to that person who always sides with you, even when you know you’re wrong (and you KNOW when you’re wrong!). Personally, I’m not really open about my relationship (hence why I think it’s lasted so long). When Luis and I come to a point in our relationship that I’m seeking outside help/approval, there are bigger issues that need to be discussed. BUT.. (didn’t you see that coming?) sometimes it just feels good to get if off your chest. Tell your mom or girlfriend who won’t judge you for venting or being angry and let that shit out! Sometimes saying it out loud REALLY puts things into perspective for you and will help with cooling down. Lastly: Never, and I repeat NEVER turn to social media to vent. Long story short: you’re either wrong or going to get back with him and you’ll look like the crazy chic on Facebook who airs her dirty laundry every chance she gets!
How long is too long to wait for a ring?
L: Okay… tough subject. A woman shouldn’t set a timeframe on when a man should get her a ring. The reason why I say this is because there are a few things you need to do before expecting a ring. First, you should be living with that person. Be able to deal with the bullshit that person brings to the relationship – the good and the bad. Second, if you have something special what is the rush of getting married? Are you doing it because other people are pressuring you? Is it because your friends are doing it? Marriage is a forever commitment that should be taken more serious than people take it nowadays. It takes a LONG time before you REALLY, REALLY know the ins and outs of your significant other and you definitely don’t want to be part of the divorce statistic. Long story short: Once you hit the 3 year and 7 year mark, you face a lot of difficulties… I know this from personal experience and through friends. I just wouldn’t pressure the guy. If he loves you, he’s going to do it.
M: Don’t we all know when Luis proposed we all let out a “FINALLY!” 😉 Haha! Honestly, don’t put a timeframe. Pushing a guy into marriage can lead to such a disaster. If YOU’RE feeling like “it’s time” then have a talk with him and ask where you stand in the relationship.. or start it with “Where do you see us in 3 years?”. This is an open-ended question and usually gets you one of two answers. Ask yourself a couple of things: Why do you want to get married? Status? Finances? Is it because you’re ready to make the commitment to god and those around you? Point is, when you know – YOU JUST KNOW. Think about if you had to save for the perfect ring, figure the perfect proposal and prepare for the life-long commitment to him… it’s a major step for him and requires a lot of thought and pressure. You should want him to propose because he WANTS to and not because you’ve been pushing him to do it. Plus, if you feel like it’s about that time – it’s going to happen when you LEAST expect it!
What are the fundamental blocks to a strong, healthy relationship?
L: Support. Respect. Communication. And Sex! Support because you have to be there for the person you love. You should support their dreams and guide them along the way. Support your significant other’s family. I’m a big family guy and I was taught by my mom that if you’re going to love a woman, you have to love her family just as much. Respect is self-explanatory. Don’t cheat, don’t hit, don’t scream.. There are always going to be arguments, but you need to learn how to communicate. Something that might not feel disrespectful when you say or do it might really hurt the other person without you knowing. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, because it’s the only way you’re going to know how to respect and love your significant other. By communicating you’re going to find out more about each other through discussing things that you like, don’t like, etc. Sex! Intimacy is so important in a relationship because it connects you in ways you’re not able to do through words. I’ve never understood those couples who sleep in separate beds or in different rooms. If it gets to that point, the relationship is over for at least one person. Sex is a stress reliever in a relationship, pushing all tensions aside and builds a bond with the person you love.
M: Trust. Communication. Goals/Dreams. And laughter! Trust is at the top of this answer because I feel it’s the number one thing that makes a strong relationship! When you’re with someone for so long.. You shouldn’t have to worry when it’s “boys night out” or when they run to the store for milk. Fact is, if you have doubts.. There is something there that needs to be figured out. Luis and I have sure been through a lot over the years, and trust was a challenge in the beginning.. But I can say with all my heart that I can sleep at night knowing he’s got my back. Communication, because you should come to a point in your relationship that you’re finishing each other’s sentences from how much you communicate. Get to REALLY know your partner. If you can’t answer simple things like “What’s your favorite color?” “What’s your biggest pet peeve?” or “What’s your favorite food?” – you haven’t communicated enough! Goals and Dreams are SO important in a relationship. When you met your significant other, they had goals and dreams in place before they met you. You both should excel with EACHOTHER and push each other to achieve what you want in life. After all, what is success if you don’t have someone to share it with? Ahh, laughter! The key to my heart! Nothing irritates me more than when Luis and I are arguing and he makes me laugh. It drives me insane and is what makes me fall in love with him over and over again. Life is crazy and short. You shouldn’t spend so much time dwelling on things in your relationship. Sunday matinee dates, snow fights, exercising together… get out there and HAVE FUN! Tell jokes often and live the parts of life you’re going to tell your kids about.