Q&A with Luis & Melissa: Part II

Black and White shot taken in Ybor by RVKU Photograpy

What’s your opinion on long distance relationships? Do they work, not work, or how do you make them work?

L: Damn… That’s a hard question. Long distance relationships suck! It all depends on both individuals. It depends on how much you love/trust each other, how much you’re willing to sacrifice to be with that person, and how faithful you are to each other. They won’t work if you’re not willing to do any of the things above. How to make it work? Move in together. If it’s not convenient for your career, it may be better to go your separate ways. At some point, someone will have to make a decision to keep the relationship going.

M: Whatever the situation is, you have to ask yourself if the distance is too far or not? Are you going to be flying in once a month to see each other? Odds are, FaceTime can really only go so far before you start to lose interest in the relationship. Be committed! Whole-heartedly, not-a-shot-in-hell-I’m-going-to-cheat kind of commitment. If you have the slightest feeling that you may want to see other people, be an adult and end the relationship. Cheating is extremely immature and will definitely come back to bite you in the ass. Have patience and TRUST. I cannot stress this enough. Here are a few things: You’re going to turn into a crazy, psycho chick when he doesn’t answer his phone. You’re going to argue about the dumbest things. Like, why he missed watching The Walking Dead with you through Facetime two nights ago. You. Will. Fight. Remember that! And, It gets boring so get creative. Send him letters in the mail of selfies you printed at Walgreens or write him a letter of the things he does that make you smile. If you don’t try with everything you have… it’s not going to go anywhere. Moral of the story: I say give it a chance and if it doesn’t work, at least you know you tried.

What do you think about a “rebound” to get over someone?

L: That shit does not work! That shit doesn’t work at ALL. It’s only going to feel good for that moment, but once that person is gone, you start really missing the person you’re trying to get over. So, if you’re trying to feel good for a moment, then it’s fine… but know that it’s a temporary thing.

M: Rebounding can get messy. I guess if the purpose is to move on, and move on for sure, then it doesn’t really hurt. But remember that it’s extremely possible to catch feelings for your rebound and next thing you know, it’s a full-fledged relationship all over again. Give yourself some time to get over the other person before you start dragging someone else into your mess. And if it is in fact a temporary thing – do what you have to do. Just make sure your “rebound” knows that it’s only a short-term thing. You have to remember that you may hurt someone else in your process to get over your ex. Odds are, someone – at some point – will catch feelings and you don’t want to get caught in that situation.

Do you think it’s okay to be friends with your Ex?

L: Agh.. it all depends. Do you have kids? And what type of friendship is it? If you don’t have any kids, you should be the “hi-and-bye” friends. One person in the “friendship” still has feelings, whether they want to admit it or not. As long as it’s a respectful, “Hey, how you doing?” kinda thing and your partner is usually present, then I don’t see anything wrong with that. But texting each other and calling each other? Get outta here! There’s no need for that.

M: I think it depends on the extent of the relationship and how comfortable your current partner feels with you being friends with them. Luis is right, you have zero reason to be texting or calling an ex unless you have kids. You might not want to believe it, and will deny it to the death, but if you don’t have feelings for them still – they do. Otherwise, there is really no reason to keep communicating. Something happened along the lines of your past breakup where you weren’t talking at some point. And, texting and talking will eventually rekindle a pastime which is not going to end well. So, for the sake of your current relationship, be respectful and cordial to your ex, but keep it at a minimum.

What is the best thing to do when you need to move on from a breakup?

L: To start, break all ties with that person. Stay away from their family, their friends or co-workers. You don’t have to be an ass about it, just be respectful and keep your distance. Stop doing things with other people that you used to do with that person… Like going to your favorite restaurant or listening to your “song” – stop it! If it’s really serious, block the person’s number, delete them from any social media website you have them on, and try to stay away from going onto their social media websites or trying to find them through other people. Focus on yourself, your career, learn how to love yourself first. Now you have all the time in the world to do these things. Commit to yourself and what’s important to your life now that you’re getting back on your feet – that’s the only way to move on.

M: This is so hard because everyone handles things differently, but I’m going to give you Melissa’s version of Breakups 101. Cry, goddammit. Cry until you’re so sick of crying that you just want nothing more than to be happy again. Let it all out. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or depressed. It’s the body’s way of coping with these kinds of things. Then, remember that you were once a whole person before you met them. Yeah, it feels like someone let a zombie at your heart and it takes time, but you will get there. Learn to fall in love with yourself. Find the reasons why he/she once loved you and fall in love with your damn self first. BE SELFISH. Buy yourself those new shoes you’ve been eyeing or get yourself the newest iPad for Christmas. You just spent x amount of time with one person and now it’s time to focus on YOU! After you’ve cut all your hair off, regretted doing it, bought yourself a new wardrobe and tested the smokey eye, GET OUT THERE. Stop throwing yourself a pity party and throw an actual party. Head to networking events and parties you wouldn’t normally attend. Get back out there because, hello – you are amazing. You have a new-found love for yourself and someone out there is going to see the awesome that you are and they’re going to love it too!

By | 2017-04-05T11:45:29+00:00 November 14th, 2013|Advice|3 Comments